Another year over, and a new one just begun
It’s something of a tradition in my short adult life to formulate a bit of a retrospective come the end of the year. In a fit of sleeplessness last Monday night, I read through some of the previous years’ efforts. Not surprisingly it was a mixed bag, each year feeling more monumental than the last. For 2007 and 2008, instead of verbose blocks of prose I filled in pre-designed questionnaires, which was a useful format, but all things considered I think this year is better suited to a good old-fashioned rambly rant and rave. For a change, there are things to rave about as well!
The year started off the back of a crap Christmas, a non-event of a New Year’s Eve and a remarkably humbling weekend in Cornwall. Having just booked an expensive holiday to the Far East and with no income, the incentive was finally strong enough to find a damn job. So it was, that with less than 3 weeks of the year gone, I did what I swore blind I wouldn’t do when the job hunt commenced and entered a temping agency. If I were to be romantic about it, I’d say I’ve never looked back, but I think the foregoing on this site says too much to contradict that. So, from one cliché to another, “from that day forth, things would never be the same again”.
The job and everything that’s come with it will undoubtedly be the focus of some further mutterings in a few weeks, when our anniversary rolls round, so I’ll not reflect on that now. It’s hard to put it to one side though, because it has been my year, frankly. Outside of the massive developments there the biggest thing is this unexpected leap into the legal profession. Or, at the very least, taking the first tentative steps towards such a profession. Of course that ties in to the job anyway, but for my own sanity if nothing else I’m determined to treat it as a separate entity. I am now about 4 months into a law conversion course, which is not something I envisaged a year ago, nor in fact could fully comprehend 4 months ago. I suspect most people were quite surprised by that move but I’m stubbornly and surprisingly not so much. Of course every now and then I do question what the hell I’m doing and why, but by and large I feel shockingly comfortable with it. At this early stage it’s not even that terrifying, although in a couple of years’ time when I have to consider the real world element of it I imagine that might change somewhat. For now though, it’s okay. And it’s going all right thus far; I’m not excelling by any means and nor am I putting in half as much effort and time as I told myself I would, but I’m getting on with it and getting through it. And from here on in I’m going to up the work rate a bit. In fact that’s part of the whole new plan, to build some sort of routine and stick to it and achieve something in the coming months. But I’m on the looking back at the moment, not the looking forward.
Outside of the professional and academic life I’m not sure there’s been so much change. Insofar as my general outlook and mood goes it may have improved rather dramatically, but in terms of material changes and tangible benefits… nada. Family life is still a contemptuous, emotional battlefield, which in some ways has worsened, but there at least seem to be signs, as this New Year begins, of a desire to improve. What, if anything, comes from that remains to be seen but intent cannot be underestimated so I’m hopeful, if not yet optimistic. The personal life is still a cacophony of tedium and failure but work has at least created some new (and some bizarre) friendships and alliances. I waffled a little while ago about friends found and lost again, but I’ve been lucky to find new allies – replacements almost (and all against my expectations) – and of course there still remain one or two of the old ones who I doubt I’d still be there without. Without being too sentimental or tragic, finding people with whom I can connect and get along has probably been my greatest achievement of the year, and the thing of which I’m most grateful. Traditionally it’s one of the things with which I’ve struggled most. I’m well aware I don’t make the best first impression and I’ve always been the shy, insecure sort. Ironically, people within the workplace will probably find that hard to believe, as I seem to have adopted a rather arrogant, self-assured approach there. I’m sure there are some who remember the shy and nervous me of the early days, when the main complaint was that I was too quiet. How bitterly amusing that the main complaint is now the exact opposite. Too much talking, who’d have thunk it? Shouldn’t dwell on that too much, but I think it goes to show how much I’ve changed, and, in my view at least, for the better. Bah, nearing sentiment now. Swift subject change.
China! I almost forget that was this year, it seems so long ago now. Yet, 2009 provided the most adventurous and exotic holiday I’ve been on to date; China and Japan. Indeed, that’s what prompted the creation of this here blog thing, the “travelogue” for the Great Eastern Adamiecki Adventure or whatever I ridiculously called it one day. That was brilliant, particularly in hindsight – getting to see one of my nearest and dearest friends and combining it with a “sisterbuddy” holiday, taking in the sights of 2 Chinese cities and 4 Japanese ones. Again, I’m not going into detail there, as if anyone cares about it they can simply peruse the earlier blog entries (archive for April, 2009, should do the trick). That was a slightly surreal experience for me though, not the sort of thing I normally do, nor the sort of money I normally spend! Seems like there won’t be anything to compare to it in 2010 either, or perhaps for some time afterwards, so definitely an experience to be cherished and long-remembered. On top of that, whilst I’m on the travel topic, I had a brief weekend in Brussels with some university friends in November (the ramble for which had to be sidelined so that I could rant about belittlement and bemusement at work), which was an entirely different experience but a jolly nice one too! Incidentally, my return from that holiday tied in with an interesting new friendship, catalysed by Belgian chocolates. Further, that has led to some further stress in life, but that’s not for public consideration.
Strangely, two of my “obsessions” seem to have diminished a little this past year. I know why that is but it’s still a little perplexing. For one thing, my fandom of Liverpool FC seems to have been er… downgraded, for want of a better word. It irritates my mother no end, but to me seems healthy, and a natural progression. I have more of a life of my own to worry about now, I have more distraction and more occupation than ever before and it’s simply easier not to care so much. I continue to watch the matches when they’re on, and a victory over United still makes me happier than almost anything else, but I haven’t half as much passion for it, and am quite genuinely less ‘bothered’ when they lose (which is happening all the more this year. Related? Maybe.) Secondly, I’m significantly less enamoured with one of my favourite on-screen loves; once a guaranteed pick-me-up, now an occasional televisual flirtation. Despite the lessened affection, seeing his reluctant (fictional) demise was still heartbreaking (two deaths in as many weeks, poor love!) and I hope to see more of him in the coming year. He just won’t be my Doctor anymore 
[Don’t worry; you’re spared a Doctor Who rant, although I’m wary of its future in 2010 and beyond...] I may ramble a bit about TV, music, books und so weite further down the line, however.
In fact I’ll do that right now, with introducing one of my favourite things of the year: The West Wing. It’s hard to conceive that it’s only just over a year since I started watching it, and indeed now 6 months or more since I watched the last episode. Once again, I’ve raved about it before, and could do again at length, but you all know of my love and I would recommend it to anyone. Yep, that includes you. I now have two sets of it too (official boxset and the cheap Chinese boxset), so should anybody want to borrow any and give it a whirl… Honestly, the characters are brilliant, the writing is among the best you’ll find in a TV programme (perhaps beyond) and… I love it. Much as I love Doctor Who (I’ll miss you, David). In a similar vein, I’ve expanded my film collection by about 200% over the past year, many of which remain unseen, but I have also branched out and watched a lot more this year than I really have time for. That leads me onto one of 2010’s agenda items – the Film Project. [Still very much under construction, but the basic premise is to watch as many of the listed films as possible; aiming for one a week or so and, geekily, write about the experience.] But less of the looking forward, back we go. Book-wise I’ve had another fair failure of a year, due in large part to the transition to working life and the second degree thingymahoosit. Off the top of my head I can think of no more than 4 novels I’ve read + JC’s autobiography + the bulk of Crime and Punishment, which remains unfinished and has been dipped in and out of since I bought it in … ooh, May. I can justify that round failure in recent months with the excuse of reading Law books, or feeling guilty for doing anything but. For the first 7 months of the year though I have no excuse bar laziness, crapness and work-induced exhaustion while still unaccustomed to it. My writing has suffered in the same manner. Several projects have ground to a halt, the grand schemes to enter competitions have been sidelined, the dream is indeed neglected, and the closest thing I have to creativity at the moment is this ‘ere soapbox. It’s sad what the real world will do to one’s methods of escapism and misguided ambition.
Bah. Contrary to the overall tone of this piece, I have had a good year. It’s been progressive and a revelation in many ways, and by and large I’ve been happier with myself and my lot more often than not, and far more often than I’m used to. 2010 has not started well thus far, thanks to my family and other idiots, but I have many a plan and many a hope. Most of all I hope to achieve what I’ve failed most with in 2009 – some sort of balance. Work, academia, social life, cultural enlightenment and expression, the film project… I won’t go on, but I have a scruffy piece of paper with some “resolutions” written on, and all in all I intend, to quote a friend, to “sort my shit out”. Watch this space.
Thanks, 2009. More of the same and more besides, please, 2010.
